Why We Should Normalize Nikah Over the Boyfriend-Girlfriend Culture

This article makes the case for a different path: normalizing nikah and marriage-focused relationships instead of the boyfriend-girlfriend model. It uses real numbers from Europe, where this culture has existed the longest, and shows why a growing number of young Muslims are choosing the nikah route.

In this article

1. What is the boyfriend-girlfriend culture really offering?
2. What the data from Europe shows
3. The emotional cost of relationships with no commitment
4. Why nikah is different
5. The myths about marriage that keep young people away
6. How to start a marriage-focused search with dignity
7. A fair look at the other side
8. Final thoughts

1. What is the boyfriend-girlfriend culture really offering?

The promise sounds attractive: companionship, romance and freedom without a big commitment. But look closely at what is missing.

• No clear destination. Nobody has to say whether the relationship is heading toward marriage.
• No security. Either person can leave at any time, with no responsibility toward the other.
• No family support. The relationship usually exists in secret, away from parents and elders.
• No shared accountability. Promises are emotional, not binding.

In practice, one person often wants marriage and the other wants “to see where it goes.” That gap is where most heartbreak begins.

2. What the data from Europe shows

Europe is the best place to study what happens when casual relationships and cohabitation become the norm. The numbers are worth looking at, with some honesty about what they do and do not prove.

• Marriage is declining. In 2023, the EU’s marriage rate was just 4.0 marriages per 1,000 people, while about 41.1% of all births took place outside marriage, according to Eurostat figures reported in March 2025. This does not mean those parents are unhappy, but it shows how far the culture has moved from marriage as the basis of family life.
• Unmarried unions break up more easily. A study published by the NIUSSP, using the Generations and Gender Survey across 14 European countries, found that cohabitations prove less stable than marriages, with childless cohabitations being the least stable type.
• Loneliness is widespread among the young. A 2024 survey of more than 23,000 people for the Bertelsmann Stiftung found that 57% of EU adults aged 18 to 35 are at least moderately lonely, and 17% are severely lonely.

A note on honesty: these figures show a pattern, not a single cause. Loneliness has many sources, and people who choose marriage may differ from those who don’t. But together they point to something many people already feel: freedom without commitment does not automatically bring happiness or security.

3. The emotional cost of relationships with no commitment

Behind every statistic is a person. The costs of the boyfriend-girlfriend model are rarely discussed openly:

• Repeated heartbreak. Each breakup carries real emotional pain, and many people go through several.
• Trust issues. After being left or betrayed, it becomes harder to trust the next person.
• Comparison and “options” anxiety. When you can always swipe on, nobody feels fully chosen.
• Wasted years. Many people spend their twenties in relationships that were never going anywhere.
• Pressure and exploitation. The lack of clear boundaries can make it easier for one person to be pressured or used.

Women in particular often carry the heavier burden, socially and emotionally, when such relationships end.

4. Why nikah is different

Nikah is not just a ceremony. It is a clear, public and responsible way of building a life together.

• Commitment first. Both people enter with the intention of staying and working things out.
• Rights and responsibilities. Each partner has defined duties and protections, including financial support and respect.
• Family involvement. Parents and elders are part of the process, which brings guidance and a wider support system.
• Dignity and clarity. There is no guessing about where you stand.
• Peace of mind. The Quran describes marriage as a source of tranquillity and mercy between spouses (Surah Ar-Rum, 30:21).

Marriage does not guarantee a perfect life, but it gives the relationship a firm foundation instead of a loose arrangement.

5. The myths about marriage that keep young people away

“Marriage is too expensive.” Weddings are expensive only when we make them so. A simple nikah is perfectly valid and often more blessed.

“I need to test compatibility first.” Compatibility is built on values, character and communication, all of which can be assessed through honest, family-supported meetings and conversations.

“I’m not ready yet.” Many people are waiting for a perfect moment that never arrives. Readiness is about responsibility and maturity, not perfection.

“Rishta culture is toxic.” Parts of it can be, with its judging, comparisons and unrealistic demands. But the answer is to fix the culture by asking for respect, honesty and dignity, not to abandon marriage altogether.

6. How to start a marriage-focused search with dignity

If you are ready to take the nikah route, a few simple steps can help:

1. Clarify your intention. Decide that you are looking for a spouse, not time-pass.
2. Write your priorities. Values, character, family and long-term goals matter most.
3. Involve your family. Parents’ experience can protect you from rushed or risky choices.
4. Use trusted, verified channels. Be cautious of anyone who rushes you, avoids meeting families or asks for money.
5. Ask honest questions. Talk about expectations, finances, family life and faith before you decide.
6. Pray and take your time. Seek guidance through Istikhara and make a decision with a calm heart.

Platforms like ShadiMarkaz.com exist to help families and individuals find genuine, marriage-focused proposals from across Pakistan.

7. A fair look at the other side

Not everyone agrees with this view, and a balanced reader should know the counterarguments:

• Many unmarried couples in Europe and elsewhere are in loving, stable, long-term relationships, and many later marry.
• Studies comparing marriage and cohabitation cannot fully separate the effect of marriage from the kind of people who choose it.
• Divorce, unhappy marriages and pressure to marry early are also real problems, in Pakistan as much as anywhere.
• Some argue that people should be free to choose how they build relationships, and that social pressure toward any single model causes its own harm.

These points are worth considering. The case for nikah is not that every other path fails, but that a committed, family-supported, clearly defined marriage gives most people a stronger chance at security and peace.

8. Final thoughts

Culture is shaped by what we choose to normalize. If we keep treating casual relationships as the default and marriage as a distant, scary goal, young people will keep paying the price in heartbreak, loneliness and lost years. If we make nikah easier, more respectful and more accessible, we give them a healthier way to find love.

Normalizing nikah doesn’t mean judging others. It means making the halal, committed path attractive, affordable and respected, so that no one has to feel that heartbreak is the only way to find a life partner.

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